H. Hsu Word Salad

Manly Men

The whole machismo thing doesn’t much interest me.  It’s a rare fellow who can hold his own with an intellectual equal or superior, and that is the one I have spent life seeking.  Alas, like anyone, I’ve an intellectual weak point when it comes to distracting factors such as an al dente posterior, good bone structure, just the right timbre in voice.  Excellent taste in food & books has certainly has fooled me into thinking I’ve found a lifelong companion before…And thus I’ve wasted plenty of energy whittling down the playing field. 

P and I met 10 years ago now, which still sort of amazes and puzzles me simultaneously.  Yet a ground rule of all relationships, whether they be with your parents, friends, siblings, or partner is this: never assume you know everything there is to know.  People change.  And they are infinitely complex (even if they themselves have yet to discover this).  If you are bored with them, you must be kinda boring yourself.   

P simply quotes from the Titanic movie “A woman’s heart is as deep as the ocean.”

All these years I have clearly resided on the more politically lefty spectrum than P has.  When I hit the streets of SF in anti-war protests years ago, he warned against going.  Whereas my annual pilgrimage to Green Festival is a commune with like minded folks (and a gleeful wallow in organic yummies), he checked it out and was sort of, “eh.OK” about it. 

After I ran off to New Orleans post-Katrina, poorly prepared and ready for risk, P told me that had he known about the dangers, he would have tried to stop me from going.  My next venture is a conference in Cuba.  I’ve asked him to consider joining me there.  Indeed the Unites States does happen to have a 40 year old embargo banning such sojourns…but one might circumvent such things via Canada or Mexico.

To which he replies simply: “Big Brother is watching.”  Such a law -abiding man. It is mildly admirable, but oft maddening.

A few weeks ago, in a healthy post-hike glow, we dined at Hobee’s in Cupertino.  I was aghast to see huge homemade signs in English & Chinese “Yes on Prop. 8″ - “one man, one woman” A steady stream of Asian americans tromped through the parking lot with these signs as I grew increasingly incensed.  The last time I checked, hate mongering and discrimination were not Christian values.  The fact that these were so prominently Asians also emabrassed me. ”I hope no one associates me with those people promoting discrimination.”

The longer the debate raged, the more angry I became.  Just a few decades ago people of different races were banned from marriage. The naysayers predicted society as we know it would crumble if we allowed such “unnatural unions”.  Yet here we were again. 

This issue is not an abstraction for me, some of the kindest, wisest, people I have ever known, friends I have loved who have taken me into their homes, or been guests in mine, are gay Americans.  I volunteer time at a community mental health center for the LGBT community.  P’s brother meanwhile, sported a big Yes on 8 sign on his front lawn.  And P admits to the legacy of his rather traditional upbringing, about the visceral discomfort that comes up around other men, for example when people have to touch one another in yoga class to assist in supporting poses.

Last weekend, we drove through Cupertino yet again to pick up a friend.  Packs of Yes on 8 demonstrators, almost entirely Chinese Christians, stood at the intersections waving signs.  A forlorn young pair of teens stood beside them with a sign reading “Prop. 8 takes away my rights.”

Suddenly, an angry and authoratative “NO!!” roared out beside me.  What the-  P was hollering at the Yes protesters.  Then we grumbled and half seriously plotted driving back around so he could yell at them some more (but were late to pick up our visitor from Taiwan who would likely not appreciate spending her time here like so…) Admittedly, hollering at people is also not terribly affective and winning hearts and minds so to speak.

The next day, I thought about that “NO.” Which stunned me at the time with its outburst of vehemence.

About how deeply he too has grown to care about the rights of others who may not on the surface have anything to do with us.  About the somewhat scary authoritative command in his voice that day, a tone that never presents itself in our home.  And you know, it was really manly.  And kinda sexy.

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