My teeming handful of readers are aware of my deep affection for my mum. But I just about had to bite her head off last week when she was commenting her disapproval of the CA gay rights decision. Dear mum was spouting off the usual trite and ignorant arguments:
"Well, it's not good for their poor kids."
Exasperated, I reminded her that I work every day with children whose hetero parents are not exactly doing a stellar job of parenting (to put it mildly). At least the majority of gay parents have had to put a lot of thought, effort, and prep into becoming parents, which is WAY more than I can say for most straight folks & their oopsy kids & babymamma/babydaddy drama.
“It’s not…natural.”
Look, if it were SO dysfunctional, gayness would have evolved right outta the population ages ago. But the traits persists in some 10% of the population, and exists in the more intelligent of our animal friends (dolphins.)
And don’t get me started on what “God said” because any mortal man who claims to know what God dictated has a serious problem with scientific facts. The “almighty” has been invoked to justify all sorts of dubious personal,political, and all too human agendas.
Believe what you want in your own home. I respect that. But your faith does not Give you the right to impair theCivil rights of others.
I asked her if she actually knew any gay couples (Uh, that would be a NO), because I do, and many of them share a loyalty and commitment that would put most of my rapidly-divorcing straight friends' unions to shame.
Finally I reminded her of two points she grudgingly admitted were true:1) Homosexual citizens pay all the same taxes and should have all the same benefits as other law abiding citizens.
More importantly, 2) It once was also illegal for those of different ethnic groups to marry. Which now seems criminally ignorant and cruel. In the Bay area, we are surrounded by beautiful mixed race, mixed culture families. I certainly comprehend that gayness creeps a lot of people out. We always tend to fear, laugh at, or cringe from what we do not know. But look upon your beloved friends and neighbors of mixed ethnicity families. The Keanu Reeves of the world, if you will. And remember that just a few short decades ago, that love was treated as an illegal crime against nature. I hope one day soon we will recall the illogical, knee jerkanti-gay sentiments as similarly ridiculous.
Heteros have done just fine demeaning marriage, allowing gay couples the opportunity to take a potshot at this lotto in life we call LOVE, is a human right. Below is an essay from Mrs. Loving, whose landmark case changed the future for thousands of loving families in this country.
Loving for AllBy Mildred Loving
Prepared for Delivery on June 12, 2007,
The 40th Anniversary of the Loving vs. Virginia Announcement
When my late husband, Richard, and I got married in Washington, DC in 1958, it wasn't to make a political statement or start a fight. We were in love, and we wanted to be married.
We didn't get married in Washington because we wanted to marry there. Wedid it there because the government wouldn't allow us to marry back homein Virginia where we grew up, where we met, where we fell in love, andwhere we wanted to be together and build our family. You see, I am awoman of color and Richard was white, and at that time people believed itwas okay to keep us from marrying because of their ideas of who shouldmarry whom.
When Richard and I came back to our home in Virginia, happily married, we had no intention of battling over the law. We made a commitment to each other in our love and lives, and now had the legal commitment, calledmarriage, to match. Isn't that what marriage is?
Not long after our wedding, we were awakened in the middle of the night in our own bedroom by deputy sheriffs and actually arrested for the"crime" of marrying the wrong kind of person. Our marriage certificate was hanging on the wall above the bed. The state prosecuted Richard and me, and after we were found guilty, the judge declared: "Almighty Godcreated the races white, black, yellow, malay and red, and he placed them on separate continents. And but for the interference with his arrangementthere would be no cause for such marriages. The fact that he separated the races shows that he did not intend for the races to mix." He sentenced us to a year in prison, but offered to suspend the sentence ifwe left our home in Virginia for 25 years exile.We left, and got a lawyer. Richard and I had to fight, but still were notfighting for a cause. We were fighting for our love.
Though it turned out we had to fight, happily Richard and I didn't haveto fight alone. Thanks to groups like the ACLU and the NAACP LegalDefense & Education Fund, and so many good people around the countrywilling to speak up, we took our case for the freedom to marry all theway to the U.S. Supreme Court. And on June 12, 1967, the Supreme Courtruled unanimously that, "The freedom to marry has long been recognized asone of the vital personal rights essential to the orderly pursuit ofhappiness by free men," a "basic civil right."
My generation was bitterly divided over something that should have beenso clear and right. The majority believed that what the judge said, thatit was God's plan to keep people apart, and that government shoulddiscriminate against people in love. But I have lived long enough now tosee big changes. The older generation's fears and prejudices have givenway, and today's young people realize that if someone loves someone theyhave a right to marry.
Surrounded as I am now by wonderful children and grandchildren, not a daygoes by that I don't think of Richard and our love, our right to marry,and how much it meant to me to have that freedom to marry the personprecious to me, even if others thought he was the "wrong kind of person"for me to marry. I believe all Americans, no matter their race, no matter their sex, no matter their sexual orientation, should have that same freedom to marry. government has no business imposing some people's religious beliefs over others. Especially if it denies people's civil rights.
I am still not a political person, but I am proud that Richard's and myname is on a court case that can help reinforce the love, the commitment,the fairness, and the family that so many people, black or white, youngor old, gay or straight seek in life. I support the freedom to marry forall. That's what Loving, and loving, are all about.
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