New Year blathers
So, aftermath of the last "out of the trenches of Kaiser" blog is that it turns out I did indeed have Strep throat, and have been dowing antibiotic horsepills ever since.
I think this is one of the occupational hazards of working with lots of kids and families and the CMI (chronically mentally ill) populations. I am going to need a bubble suit soon. Last year after we got back from Paris I also got a series of infections; this is unacceptable to go through on an annual basis!
Plus sides? I have managed to run a few miles and do yoga and bike since last week-so I although I am not 100% I am WAY better than before.
Physical exertion appears to be the antidote to my agitation, irritation, and other assorted stresses that come from being a therapist, living in this nutjob iof a country, and residing with a male human. (Uhm, if U are reading this,j/k honey!) Hopefully this year will allow for another triathlon, and maybe,maybe, just maybe a half marathon. Running 26 miles in one go sounds boring (my own little attention deficit quirk)and knee-abusive to me, but 13? Maybe this will be the year.
Hmmm. cold as heck but It looks fairly dry outside with some struggling sunshine, off for another run before work!
Resolutions last year included triathlon and doing more professional presentations & work. So I ran the sprint Tri (slow ass time on a heavy ass bike but I had a great time learning I was tougher than I ever knew), and did the "Adventure Girl" with Linds and Tina (mtn. bike/run/kayak). Ave of the giants run in Humboldt was also a favorite due to the astoundingly beautiful redwoods and the giant pasta dinner and good company of my fellow runners from ACMHS.
Work stuff included presenting in D.C. and Argentina and Delhi, Ca (near Modesto if you must know). Also I wound up deployed in N.O.L.A.
Not sure how to top that for this year…still working on the list of resolutions/goals for 2006/Year of the Fire Dog.
Christmas Letter “Remember NOLA as you holiday shop”
This is the letter composed before Christmas 2005. The sentiments still stand. New Orleanians are suffering pretty much as much now as in November.
H 3
Dear Friends-
>
> As many of you are aware, I’ve just come home from
> 16 days volunteering in
> New Orleans, Lousiana (N.O.L.A.). with SAHMSA
> (Substance Abuse and Mental
> Health Admin. of Health & Human Svcs.)
> I spent almost all my time there, including
> Thanksgiving Day, with the New
> Orleans police and their families (and a few firemen
> and EMT’s).
>
> These officers literally saved the lives of seniors
> and families,
> despite losing their own homes and all their
> belongings.
> I met scores of cops who literally lost all their
> uniforms, clothes, family
> photos, to say the least of entire homes.
> I can tell you tales of infants and seniors being
> saved and kept alive for
> days by the brave men and women I met.
> Many spent Thanksgiving on the job, desperately
> missing their families who
> are now spread into multiple states.
> The N.O.P.D. has suffered two Post-Katrina suicides,
> and many individal
> officers told me they felt slandered and hurt by how
> badly the media has
> mis-portrayed them.
>
> If you are interested in the current situation
> there, please let me know and
> I’d be happy to forward you my online photo album.
>
> I was deeply affected by the sheer scope of the
> city’s devastation,
> and very moved by the countless Heroes and Heroines
> I had the privilege to
> meet.
>
> What angered and worried me most was that despite
> record amount of $ donated
> to Katrina relief,
> I did not meet a SINGLE person who knew where that
> money was going, or had
> benefited from it.
> As Winter set in, many of the officers did not even
> have the cash to buy
> themselves a new uniform jacket ($65 for light
> jacket, $80 raincoat
> $250-$400 for leather police coat).
> If any of you would be interested in "Adopting a
> cop" I have taken the
> personal name & family info from many of the
> officers I met.
>
> I am not an official charity of course, but I simply
> wanted to send small
> things directly to officers and their families - NO
> middlemen!
>
> I would suggest while you are doing your holiday
> shopping -
> please throw in a little something for a N.O. police
> officer in need.
> Even a simple $5-10 gift card would be a wonderful
> gesture to let them know
> that someone cares and has not forgotten about New
> Orleans.
> I have people on my list aged 18 months to 83 years!
>
> I would be glad to give you info and you could mail
> it directly to an
> officer, or if you pass it to me I would be happy to
> send it for you or
> anonymously with other gifts.
> (and any friends who are so kind as to always grace
> me with gifts - this
> year I truly desire nothing at all save to give back
> to N.O.P.D.)
>
> Stores with branches in/near New Orleans:
> Walgreens (for basic supplies/medicine which many
> have lost)
> Lowe’s (many of them are rebuilding their gutted
> homes)
> ACE Hardware
> Home Depot
> Target
> Starbucks
> Borders Books
> GAP
> Whole Foods
> Foot Locker and Lady Foot Locker
>
> Most of All- even if you can’t spare any funds;
> Let us COUNT OUR BLESSINGS, and send a warm thought
> or prayer to New
> Orleans!
>
>
> -H 3
>
Brief Reflections- Katrina Relief Project
A lot of people have asked what it was like in New Orleans. It was, it is, so much more than I could ever hope to express.
These were my musings written on a FEMA computer on my last day in the city (Nov. 2005). The question format is from Dr. Jaffe, a very cool fellow volunteer I met on while on deployment.
SAHMSA experiences
Helen H. Hsu, Psy.D.
Oakland, CA
Deployed 16 days-including Thanksgiving
1. WHAT MOTIVATED YOU TO VOLUNTEER?
I fell in love with the City of New Orleans while on vacation here following a conference about a year ago. I truly wanted to see for myself what the situation here was. I knew that the media was failing to depict the whole story, but it was unclear what “the truth” was beyond that.
I also felt it was important that all minority groups were represented in the relief efforts, so I wanted to be here as an Asian American, multi-culturally skilled clinician. I work in Oakland, CA which has numerous similarities with New Orleans, so I felt that would prepare me to work with this unique community.
Truth be told I am also at a career/personal crossroads and I felt that I needed to push myself into something new and challenging and meaningful.
2. WHAT PERSONAL CHALLENGES DID YOU EXPECT TO ENCOUNTER ON YOUR DEPLOYMENT?
I anticipated being challenged to very rapidly improve my skill sets in areas where although I was experienced, I was not particularly WELL-experienced. I also wondered if I would have to prove my competence and worthiness to be on this team. These thoughts stem from both personal insecurity but also due to my relatively young age among my colleagues (which has presented challenges in the past).
It was also very difficult making the arrangements to skip town for 2 weeks. I have 7 graduate level interns, a client caseload, and other responsibilities which all needed to be covered while I was away. I also had to assure my family that I would stay safe, as everyone seemed convinced that packs of looters were still rampantly roaming the city and the police were MIA.
I actually expected to live and work in pretty rough conditions. I was ready to be sent to a shelter and had packed all sorts of gear/clothing suitable for backpacking/camping type situations, and I brought a huge stash of snack foods. As it turns out I wind up in Hilton and eating buffets most of the time!
3. WHAT GOALS DID YOU HAVE FOR YOUR DEPLOYMENT?
Goals for this deployment were simply to help out in any way that I could. While I was eager to utilize my clinical skills w/ First Responders, I was aware that things were chaotic. I had already resolved to pitch in anywhere I saw need whether that included serving meals, cleaning debris, talking to community members, spending $ in the N.O. economy etc.
I was also very interested in learning what I could from other professionals, both the volunteers as well as locals.
4. DID YOU ACHIEVE YOUR GOALS?
And then some. As for surveying the situation for myself and getting to hear true stories, I was overwhelmed with the intensity and number of harrowing stories.
I agree with what Henry had said, that I could be satisfied if I managed to help even one person here. I believe I have helped several people here, and I do take pride in that.
I did learn a great deal from everyone here, and also grew quite fond of many of the other volunteers and some of the NOPD officers as well.
My entire team (the 4 of us on First responders) decided to stay for the Thanksgiving holiday so as not to abandon our charges. I was very glad we stayed, we had some very deep and meaningful interventions that day.
5. WHAT UNEXPECTED CHALLENGES DID YOU ENCOUNTER?
The sheer scope of the disorganization!! I was prepared to be flexible and adapatable yet the lack of structure at all levels (FEMA, SAMHSA,,Westover, LSU, NOPD, etc) was a source of frustration and confusion, and also impeded our ability to spend more time on direct services or creating inservice materials etc. Time was frittered away on political issues with LSU, vague Westover paperwork, inconsistent communication with police districts etc.
Resources were also poorly and unevenly distributed. Some stations had a lot of amenities and others lacked really fundamental things. Many of the volunteers including myself have wound up spending our own money to buy things we felt the officers needed, and we have had a difficult time securing safety equipment that was sitting unused in the FEMA warehouse. It was extremely frustrating to see the ass backwards way money is being spent. Workers are staying in hotel rooms costing more than 100 per night (with no room mate!) yet police officers can’t afford a warm jacket or materials for home re-building.
I also knew there would be few Asian or Latinos here in a professional role but I was still surprised that there were literally at any given time about 1.5 of us here! (Rosa, then overlapped a bit to me, I am overlapping a bit with Umapathy). I felt that the cultural gaps explained a great deal of unnecessary tension between cruise ship crew and residents.
I think I will be processing and making sense of this whole rather surreal experience for some months…
6. WHAT UNEXPECTED OPPORTUNITIES DID YOU DISCIVER?
What an honor to spend days and days talking and assisting people who have quite literally saved lives.
I also feel that I have learned SO much, about life and kindness and integrity from those who showed such qualities in the face of the worst case situation; and from my fellow volunteers. I was indeed one of the younger volunteers, but I felt that I was treated with respect, and that I have benefited grandly from the breadth of wisdom shared with me (on topics professional and personal). Kind of like having an entire team of mentors.
Also of course I feel this has enriched my clinical skills and will provide me with very relevant knowledge I hope to pass on to my interns and colleagues at home.
On a more individual note, I continue to learn a great deal about the cultures here, and have learned to navigate the city and some surrounding areas well (which seemed an impossible feat when I arrived here).
7. HOW ARE YOU CHANGED BY YOUR EXPERIENCES?
Hmm. Well all my worst fears about the extent of government corruption in this country were more or less confirmed, which is kind of a downer!
Seeing the vast destruction here is definitely giving me more food for thought about the reality of my life on a major earthquake fault line. I think I will go home and seriously update all my emergency kits…and continue on my campaign to convince my husband to move out of the country.
I also feel inspired to share the positive stories I have heard, so that the distortions are not allowed to be how this country shall remember New Orleans in the wake of Katrina.
My confidence in my skills and myself overall are stronger then ever. I feel I did a lot in a short while and pushed myself into new terrain, and I feel very good about making a contribution to this great city.
8. ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS/PERSONAL EXPERIENCES OF DEPLOYMENT?
Got together 3 other SAHMSA volunteers to take part in the 98th annual community “turkey day race”, so on Thanksgiving we ran 5 miles, and then visited and brought Whole Foods pies to 5 police stations. Harbor Police fed us “9th Ward gumbo” which was the best gumbo EVER.
Seeing Ellis Marsalis Trio was a real thrill, as was eating at Snug Harbor, and Muriel’s.
Eating on the cruise ships and FEMA tents and Hyatt EOC center was also pretty darn interesting if not exactly notable in a culinary way. Margaritaville food was mediocre but the company was fantastic!
Sick Day & Choosing to see differently
Today I am home sick from work…AGAIN. Since seeing our adorable and very germy neice and nephew on New Year’s, P & I have been fending off all sorts of gross symptoms. Not that that stopped us from running off to Cabo San Lucas last weekend, but I digress.
Called Kaiser last night & had to convince them that death was imminent in order to get an appointment to get a strep throat culture. So that process was annoying. Being made to pay $25 for a 10 minute visit and tiny lab swab was irritating. Carrying my own sample downstairs and waiting for my number (59) to be called (they were at 32 when I got there!) was getting me agitated.
But I looked around at all those poor souls waiting with me, (the place was so packed with people young and old, there were no seats left & I was reminded of a refugee camp)and chose to see the stories being played out.
There was a young couple, probably in their 30’s. Dressed in sweats, brown-haired, no one special. But I could not help but notice how he looked at her with a tenderness in his eyes that made my heart ache. He stroked her hair as he waited with her, and she closed her eyes behind her thick black glasses; and laid her head on that supportive shoulder. Anyone in the world could understand, without a word, that that was intimacy and love at its finest.
How many times have I sought refuge in "my spot" on P’s shoulder/neck?
I am blessed enough to know how it feels to be hacking, sniffly, pale, cranky, crazy-haired, bundled in mismatched sweats w/ glasses on, & make up off - yet still feel love & concern in P’s gaze,& still be welcomed to my spot with open arms.
Crammed into a corner of the waiting area was a young mother playing pattycake, trying to keep her 2 young girls entertained amidst this roomful of sickly ‘ol codgers. The girls bubbled over with giggles and their little hands held an energy some of us can now only distantly recall. Across the way an old woman wearing breathing tubes up her nose was talking quietly with a family member, and they started to laugh. Her shining eyes & big grin had me thinking about the value and spark of life that lives on long after the body begins to decay.
In my line of work, I often bear witness to the cruelty some families inflict upon one another. But I also am lucky enough to bear witness to the blinding powerfullness of love that certian ordinary folks conjure up.
I am actually feeling a lot better today then yesterday. Is it the drugs? The Airborne? The herbs and vitamins I took? Extra sleep? The antibiotics? Time off from my 2.5 jobs?
Partially. But I think I am better because I took some time to breathe, and to see, and to love. To allow myself to be touched and healed, by my mother’s home made chicken soup, by the kumquats she scrubbed one by one in the sink with a little brush for me. By the experience of sitting in a corner drinking tea and feeling sorry for myself while dear P toiled for hour upon hour upon hour upon hour assembling an office desk, chair and setting up the entire computer bundle and DSL access for my mom. By witnessing the warmth & grace that resonates quietly, almost imperceptibly in the mundane lives of myself and those all around.
Many have flung attentions & extravagant trinkets at me when I was dressed up, done up, strong, sharp, and fit. All of that was illusory of love & imitative of intimacy. A sort of trophy-hunting, narcisstic facsimile of authentic affection.
In all the world, there can be not greater treasures than Mommy and Hubby. They cheered me on when I was out there swim/run/biking for Triathlon, and they cheer me on when I am bundled in a useless ball in the bed.
A sick day or two can be miraculous for clearing one’s vision, if one chooses to see.
